Sex with a ladyboy – is it gay?

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Originally posted 2017-03-21 21:33:39.

Okay. So, maybe you just woke up after a wild night, looked over the bed and there beside you, happily dreaming away without a care in the world and looking as though butter wouldn’t melt, was a ladyboy; or, if you prefer, a transsexual. Possibly you’re just considering doing this. Maybe you did already,  liked it, and are wondering about yourself. Maybe you’re in a relationship with a ladyboy and still confused. So I’m going to answer the question, ‘Am I gay for having sex with a ladyboy’?

This is a pretty popular question, as you’ll see from a casual Google of the terms, but almost none of the answers make any sense. They’re either written by people who have no experience of transsexuals, ladyboys, bonecas — call them as you will, they’re all the same — or they’re written by people with a hidden agenda, trying to promote a particular political point of view.


books by rod fleming

Gay person versus gay relationship


This is a gay. Not a ladyboy, not a transsexual. If this makes you go ‘yuck’ (or worse), you ain’t gay, bud

The first thing to understand is that there is a difference between a gay person and a gay relationship. Homosexual males or ‘gays’ in the Western sense, are unmasculine males who are attracted to masculinity and want to have sex with men. An older terms was ‘catamite.’ Transsexuals, ladyboys and so on are no different, and almost always only wish to play a feminine role in sex — that is, to be penetrated. Ray Blanchard observed that ‘(homosexual) transsexuals desire men’s bodies in exactly the same way that women do.’

The ladyboy or transsexual you just had sex with is, effectively, a fully emasculated male with the sexual and romantic desires of a woman. She is psycho-sexually inverted, the classic ‘woman born in a male body’. This is supported by MRI studies (Savic and Arver, Rametti 2011) and by review (Guillamon 2012).

Fifteen years of research

In nearly fifteen years researching and writing about this, I have never interviewed a man who admits to liking ladyboys, who is also attracted to masculinity. I doubt if you’re exceptional.

Ladyboys and other transsexuals go to great lengths to feminise themselves through hormone therapy and surgeries, as well as through dress, make-up, comportment and so on. They’re so good at making themselves beautiful that women frequently come to them for cosmetic advice and services like hairdressing. They are attractive in a conventionally feminine sense. As I wrote in The Warm Pink Jelly Express Train, they are the perfect women from a man’s point of view.

Being attracted to a girl for  her turbo-charged femininity is not a homosexual response for a man, rather the opposite and again, study after study has found that gay men are not interested in transsexuals at all. Steven Gallon, the man behind one of the largest firms purveying ‘shemale’ pornography, says that he regards it as a waste of money to market his products to gay men, because they are just not interested. In fact, homosexual men not only find transsexuals unattractive, they are often sexually repulsed by them. This is because, just as heterosexual men are repulsed by masculinity, homosexual men are repulsed by femininity.

So what about the relationship?

What would a homosexual male relationship be like? Well, since male homosexuality is defined as a male attraction to maleness, then a male homosexual relationship is often taken to mean one between two masculine males who are attracted to each other’s masculinity.  This is the basis of Kinsey’s view, which, while highly questionable, as become popular. However, the males in this case cannot both be masculine and one at least must be role-playing, since when being penetrated he is not just feminine but female.

But a relationship between a straight man and a ladyboy is one in which one party, the man, is attracted to the other’s femininity while his partner is attracted to his masculinity. That’s a heterogender relationship. Further, if the man is only the penetrator and the girl is only penetrated, then this is a heterosexual relationship, even though the girl is using a pseudo-vagina, either her anus or a surgically constructed one.

Ah but, you insist, finger in the air, there are still two penises! Gay!

Er, no. This is because not only are transsexuals psycho-sexually inverted, they can be physically so too. To do this, they allow their anuses to be penetrated. They play the female role and their bodies permit them to do this, because they do have an opening that approximates to a vagina; and their partners penetrate that.

So…it’s homosexual for me to want to roger this peach senseless? Really?

It is a fairly widespread myth that all men involved with unoperated transsexuals like to be penetrated, but this is wrong. Even amongst those who seek out TS sex workers, the proportion is only about 40% (Kulick). The interviews I’ve conducted suggest that very few men in serious relationships with ladyboys are willing to be penetrated. Most don’t and indeed, most transsexuals simply will not do it especially in a romantic relationship. This has little to do with hormones, although this might be the reason they give; it is much more to do with not wanting to play a male sexual role.

books by rod fleming

The myth of homosexual equivalency

This is that both partners in a relationship in which both were born male must be homosexual. It had no existence prior to around 1950y, when Kinsey, to suit his preconceptions, invented a new ‘scale’ of sexuality. Prior to that, homosexuals were defined as effeminate and the recipient male partners of  men.  The false equivalency was then promoted by a group of homosexual activists who thought that homosexual males should suppress their natural femininity in order to be accepted by society. Their aim was to synthesise the New Gay Man — that well-known character whose ghastly faux masculinity is bought at the price of such profound self-loathing.

Central to their strategy has always been to assert that homosexuality could be defined in absolute, essentialist terms. Two penises, past or present, make both parties gay, irrespective of the roles played in the relationship or the assumed gender of the parties. They have sought to erase the understanding of homosexuality that existed for literally thousands of years, which defined it such that the person who played the role of woman — and was penetrated — was homosexual, but the other party was not.

This group, known as ‘accommodationists’, spent decades trying to persuade transsexuals to be gay ‘men’ and their lovers that they were gay too — which they’re not. For fifty years they have been policing the gay community, bullying feminine gay men into ‘manning up’ and suppressing effeminacy. But, as I wrote 12 years ago now, ‘transsexuals drive a coach and horses though Queer Theory’ as well as all the rest of the preposterous mumbo-jumbo articulated by the left.

Gender is driven by sexuality

ladyboyTranssexuals prove that gender is driven by sexuality: feminine boys who want men become sexy girls to seduce them. It’s that simple. They prove that the accommodationist ‘New Gay Man’ model is at best not universal and most likely a complete sham.

As poor old Jim Fouratt said, in what now seems like a plaintive wail in the wilderness, trannies will destroy the New Gay Man and his entire way of life. They show the New Gay Man up as the socio-political device that it is, and a good thing too. Most feminine gay ‘men’ would be far better hitting the hormones, growing their hair and getting a boob job, than persisting with their pretence of masculinity. Why should they suppress their natural sexuality to suit someone else’s political agenda?

Destroying the false equivalency is vital to liberating transsexuals from a grim hegemony of accommodationist New Gay Men, lesbian supremacists and transvestite autogynephiles that, prior to a few years ago ago, looked like it might suffocate them altogether.

Serious relationships

It would also recognise that their partners are, by and large, heterosexual men. This would encourage more men to invest emotionally in serious relationships with transsexuals. These men are currently held back by the lie that their love for their partners makes them homosexual. They’re not, even though their partners are. Not only are they heterosexual they are conventionally so. Why should they allow themselves to be called something they are not? Men, especially powerful ones, are rightly cautious of being misrepresented in such ways.

Men who have sex with a ladyboy are not themselves homosexual, and the relationships themselves are heterosexual: only one party is homosexual and she presents as a woman socially, sexually and romantically. In this context, she is a woman.

Ladyboys and transsexuals affirm conventional sexual roles

Sex with a ladyboy can be more affirming of conventional sexual roles than male/female ones, especially in the West.

Indeed, many men in stable relationships with transsexuals are so because they desire partners who are happy to play conventional roles. As the feminist movement has evolved into female supremacism, men have become disinclined to accept the bargain on offer, of being a doormat in exchange for occasional sex. Ladyboys are just as keen on sex as men are and they provide a desirable, practical alternative to entitled women. After all, they want you to put them on a pedestal, to hold open doors for them and to protect them. It is hardly an inconvenience for someone, whose entire life is focussed on being successful as woman, to be treated as one.

The supply of sex


Seriously though, I think being attracted to this trainwreck might make a man homosexual

Control over the supply of sex has always been the primary weapon in the female supremacists’ arsenal. They use it ruthlessly to impose their will on men. They have even invented the ridiculous concept of the ‘male menopause’ in order to convince men that after a certain age, women can simply shut off the supply of sex altogether.

A ladyboy/transsexual runs as roughshod over this strategy as she does over the New Gay Man. TShe makes the wildest sex imaginable available to her partners, more or less on demand, and all she asks in return is to be treated like a lady. How could it possibly be ‘gay’ to accommodate that?

books by rod fleming

It is not ‘homophobic’ to refuse to be labelled as something one is not. By refusing to accept the claims on our lives that leftist agitators make, we stand for our own freedom of choice and ultimately, the most important human right that we have: the ownership of our own bodies and lives. We are not beholden to collectivist groups that would use us for their political gain and we do not have to accept the social roles they would cast us in.

Sex with a ladyboy paradox

It is a delightful paradox that having sex with a ladyboy, for a man, is to take a stand for conservative social values against politically-motivated and unscrupulous ‘thinkers’, whose intent is to erase the sexual binary that is the foundation of human culture and thus to destroy our society itself.

…but what red-blooded man wouldn’t jump at the chance of one of these?

When you look at your ladyboy lover’s sleeping face in the soft light of dawn, remember that you are doing your bit to support our culture against the perversions of accommodationist New Gay Men and lesbian female supremacists, Western transvestite autogynephilic fetishists, the Snowflake SJWs and all their ghastly fellow-travellers. Enjoy that feeling, then do her again. It’s for the good of society and it will certainly be fun.

Making love to a ladyboy doesn’t make you gay; far from it. In the moment of coitus, the insertion of tumescent penis inside her warm soft body, as she reclines in your arms, surrendering herself, gasps of passion escaping her mouth, her long legs around you, the intensity of feeling almost unsupportable, you recreate her as a woman and affirm yourself as a man. You join the gods by savouring their power of creation.

Doesn’t get any hotter.

books by rod fleming

9 Replies to “Sex with a ladyboy – is it gay?”

  1. Referencing Blanchard as if his work wasn’t debunked many times over is a deal breaker. Couldn’t get past that paragraph.

    1. Blanchard has never been debunked and indeed his typology has been confirmed in recent neurological studies (which the article references), as well as being obvious to observation. His work remains the basis of our understanding of transsexualism. I suspect you are a transvestite autogynephile; enough said.

  2. I’ve read much of your work and posts on the internet regarding your thought on transexualism. You are often contradictory and have stated things like transwomen must be treated like women but they have no idea what it means to really be a woman.Then in other posts you refer to transwomen as actual women trapped in men’s bodies-sexually, romantically, and emotionally a woman.

    I’m not a snowflake, leftist, or extreme feminist. I am trying to come to terms with what is quickly becoming a zero sum game for biological women versus trans women. It’s great that you want to celebrate your sexuality and your continuing quest for Asian ladyboys, but do you have to throw biological women under the bus to do so? I wonder how the biological women in your family feel about that-daughter and ex-wife for example. Biological women can be feminine, have high sex drives, be eager please, etc. The oppurtunity to be narcissistic to the point that we only focus on being the “perfect woman” rarely exists in the real world. Then there’s the fact that we are expected to breed which “ruins” our bodies.

    Also, I don’t understand the need to advertise the dynamic you so crave, when there are already plenty of converts. I once read a Quora post where you told a man contemplating telling his wife that he liked shemale porn, that it was already too late and he could consider himself trans attracted and if he was thinking of telling his wife be prepared to move on. The underlying message is that once attracted to transwomen, biological women are no longer attractive. I would agree that this seems to be the phenomenon for men actively seeking out trans women versus I dated a trans women and didn’t know or felt like it was no different than dating a biological woman. Accordingly, my counsel to biological women is to ask questions and even if it’s considered bigoted, do not date men who admit to having ever dated a transgender woman because it’s an obsession that may never burn out and just like it’s no fun being used by a gay man it’s not fun being used by a trans attracted men trying to prove his heterosexuality in between chasing trans women.

    No, you are not a homosexual I agree.It’s really not my place to label you regardless. Live your life. Be happy. I don’t feel trans attracted men are heterosexual either. This is something that doesn’t have a name yet. If gender is fluid, so is sexuality. I’m bisexual. I was extremely attracted to butch women. I’ve discovered that it was almost a fetish and ran it’s course. I’m now primarily attracted to masculine straight men and just like you always mention how hard ladyboys work to be beautiful and feminine in order to be be validated when a man wants to penetrate them, so do biological women. Try showing some compassion. Don’t make biological women feel bad about our gender and sex in order to raise up and affirm trans women.

    1. One by one: ‘You are often contradictory ‘. I am only responding to new information revealed by research. My blog is not meant to be definitive, theough my books are. However, anyone researching must change position as new information comes to light. To do otherwise would not be sceintific. I would say that the major shift in my viewpoint over the last 5 years is that I now fully support Blanchard’s taxonomy and understanding of certain tyoes of gender noncomformity. I also fully accept that all transwomen are male, which I was less sure of before. THat is to say, no transwoman can claim to be a ‘real woman’.

      ‘do you have to throw biological women under the bus’. I am not aware of having done so; as regards my daughter and ex wife, in the first case it’s none of your business and in the second I coundn’t care less.

      ‘there’s the fact that we are expected to breed which “ruins” our bodies.’ The function of females in mammalian species is to give birth.This is not an ‘expectation’, it’s a biologival requirement. If you feel uncomfortable with it, so be it; but the road you are travelling on will lead to extinction, if not of the species, at least your branch of it.

      ‘I don’t understand the need to advertise the dynamic you so crave’ This is nonsensical so I will take it to mean that my voicing my opinion offends you. Feel free to be offended, IDGAF.

      ‘do not date men who admit to having ever dated a transgender woman’ I think this is too rigid. There are two types of ‘transgender women’, true transsexuals (Blanchard HSTS) and transvestite autogynephiles. For the former, thenk Blaire White or Kevin Balot, for the latter, think Bruce ‘Caitlyn’ Jenner or Justin ‘Riley’ Dennis. The former, on any measure, are a close approximation to ‘girls born in the wrong body’ while the latter are crossdressing men. (But even the former are not ‘real women’) I have never had the dubious pleasure of a relationship with a Western profile Transvestite autogynephile (though I have with Asian profile ones.)I have it on good authority that, since these are men, such relationships feel very gay indeed — and this does not surprise me. Transsexuals are not like that. A relationship betwween a straight man and a transsexual is the same as between such a man and a woman in every way. There’s nothing homosexual about it.

      Men who date transsexuals usually also date women. I would not write off such a man if his life-goals were in line with yours. Such men are not trying to ‘prove their heterosexuality’, they are just strongly attracted to femininity and transsexuals are amongst the most feminine people on the planet. If she can keep up with a person who runs her femininity reactor on 110% all the time, a woman can have a good relationship with a man like that. However, in ,my experience, most women struggle with this.

      The key is children: older men who have had children and want no more, but still want a young partner, will probably do better with a transsexual, while younger men who desire children must seek a woman.

      I have no desire to ‘make women feel bad’ but the simple fact is that in the West at least, femininity is almost as badly regarded as halitosis amongst women today. If you want to attract men this is a somewhat bizarre way to do it.

  3. Concerning the sexual orientation spectrum of mankind, I advise you to read “The Circle of Sex” (1966), by Gavin Arthur. An unjustly forgotten or little-noticed book but extremely insightful about human sexuality.

    1. Hi again

      I have been trying to find that book with no success, other than as a ‘collectible’ from Amazon. Thanks for the tip I will keep looking

  4. Thank you Rod.

    This article blew me out the water. So well written.

    I so identify with this article. So well written and it has so many truths to it.
    I have recently travelled the North of Thailand and took the risk of hiring a ‘Ladyboy’ to be my tour guide for a day . Sorry I am not that PC.
    One day became four days and I got to know this beautiful person that in my opinion is so brave to be who she is. So feminine and a beautiful person that I just see less and less in our own western woman( please ladies I am a total woman’s liber and believe in putting our woman first and more) .
    All I can say to anyone or any couple take the time to interact with them to see the human side and see that they are being who they truly are and are wonderful people ( pretty much ). I am sure there are the shallow , money hungry types out there but I can generally read a person within a few minutes and avoid.
    It was interesting to see the looks we got walking in public places and was surprised to see how Thai men could not hold back their desirable looks for this slender (it was unscrupulous surprising indeed) , tall beautiful woman, with nerdy spectacles.
    Western woman plain looked away and most western men looked for a long time with a blank look on their faces. I suspect some curious some not approving.
    So what an experience I had and I have since started reading a lot and discovered that it is straight men that are attracted to these woman and identity with all the confusion and feelings that I experienced my body was giving me to this beautiful girl next to me.
    Second to last, I loved the experience , was honored to walk side by side with her ( my first night I thought it to be a walk of shame) , but when I got to know this person and her family , I was humbled and blown away by what a dedicated, beautiful , creative and educated woman I had met.
    Lastly, I did not sleep with her( although my instincts all kicked in and I felt desire),
    As she was not into casual sex , wanted a serious relationship and dedicated to her family and being a professional. For me I was also not into casual sex and the risk’s . Although I have gained a firm friend . I am blown away, enlightened and intrigued.
    Ps. It is sad that due to stigma that they must turn to the sex industry to work and we should all preach and ensure a culture of acceptance and I know realize how truly important this is ( despite always knowing ) . My 2cents worth .
    Thank you.

  5. You explain very well what we are and how we feel. Of course, sexual drive goes before any gender feeling and conditions it. Being a genetic man, I behave and feel –and hence I look– like a woman because I only enjoy being taken and treated as one. Gay men have seldom liked me, while straight men do. The only “but” is about trans-girls like me, because with them I may feel most comfortable, and also attracted at times, to the point of liking to be a switch.

    1. ‘Liking to be a switch’ probably indicates Autogynephilia rather than Sexual Inversion. Your condition actually sounds like it might be pseudo-bisexualism.

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