Well, so there you are. You find yourself with an attraction to ladyboys, traps. transsexuals, whatever. These are not your Western autogynephilic transvestites a la Bruce ‘Caitlyn’ Jenner.
We’re talking about sex crazy, man-obsessed homosexual males who live as women. They are wonderful, beautiful, so sexy that just watching a ladyboy walking down the street will get your dick hard. And they are the Ladyboy Trap. Yes. Those ones right there.
I know a few ladyboys and I would say that the majority — by a good margin — are decent, kind, caring girls. They would make great partners. Generally speaking, ladyboys are highly sexed individuals whose personal libido will match a man’s; they like to look good and will spend a long time preparing to go out; they will pamper you. They’ll shower with you and wash you and, in all likelihood, provide a nice little BJ while doing so. They can be incredibly close friends and because deep inside that beautiful sexy creature there is actually a male, they will understand you better than any genetic woman ever will. You won’t understand her any more, but still.
Ideal. Perfect. So, you ask, what is the Ladyboy Trap?
Well, not all ladyboys, aka transsexuals, are so nice. Here’s a list of the basic categories of nogoodnicks that the Western man — especially the inexperienced Western man — is likely to meet.
The Gold Digger
Far ahead of the field, numerically at least, is the Gold Digger. This one will bleed you dry and she has a heart as cold and hard as flint. She will show no mercy. She wants everything in your bank account.
Initially, this vampire will seem sweet and kind. She’ll be attentive. If you are communicating with her online — a common way for the Ladyboy Trap to operate — she will always be online when she says she will. She might spend significant time with you, every day. She will tell you how wonderful you are all the time and she may very quickly start using the ‘L’ word — love.
The first rule in protecting yourself from this harpy is this: NEVER under any circumstances, send her any money until you have met her in person. OK, if she claims it’s her birthday, send her 20 dollars for a cake — that will buy a hell of a cake in Thailand or the Philippines. But not more and certainly not regularly. Any such gifts should come as surprises and not be asked for.
Now it is true that Filipinas in particular will unashamedly ask for gifts on a special occasion, but what is meant, in the broader culture, is a bunch of flowers, a box of chocolates or something of similar value, say 5 dollars. The aforementioned cake would be a splurge.
If she tells you she needs something more expensive, beware!! To ask for an expensive present would be frowned on in her culture. Plus, 20 dollars goes a long way in the Phils or Thailand. Many girls in the former earn less than that a week, if they’re working.
Basically, all whores and nearly all ex-whores are gold-diggers. My advice is NEVER date a bar girl, ‘hostess’, entertainment worker, cam girl or anyone else who works in the sex trade. Just don’t do it. Fuck ’em, pay ’em, move along. That’s the way it’s supposed to work.
Now I have nothing against whores. Many of them are fine, decent women. Like most men who’ve lived full lives, I’ve sampled their wares and never been disappointed; and frankly I think that if politicians and lawyers had half the moral standards of your average whore, the world would be a better place.
But inside a whore’s head a connection gets formed between sex and money. If you have a relationship with a whore, then she will always want money. It might not be on a per-fuck basis, but there will be the aircon unit, the refrigerator, the new washing machine for her mother…you follow? They are the classic gold-diggers (though not all gold-diggers have actually been whores.)
To make it worse, they will feel entitled to your money. After all, they’re fucking you, when they could be fucking any number of johns every night. And don’t run away with the idea that ladyboy whores are miserable sex-slaves. They like the work. They enjoy sex as much as a man does. Getting paid for sex is like a kid getting paid to eat sweeties. Good luck breaking that cycle of reward.
I admit, there are exceptions. I know of some strikingly successful relationships where girls have just given it up. You might get so lucky, but don’t bet on it.
The profile is sometimes combined with the Gold-Digger and is a variant Ladyboy Trap. This one will be online to you every day, maybe for weeks or even months. She’ll be calling you ‘dear’ and ‘darling’, or ‘mahal’ if she’s a Flippa. You might be hooked. You might have booked your flight to go see her, a hotel even.
And then…nothing. Zero. Zipola. You can see she’s still active on Facebook or Viber (who uses Skype now) but she simply doesn’t reply. She’s gone.
In nearly all cases, she found somebody richer/younger/better looking or, most importantly, more willing to give in to her financial demands and you, my friend, are HISTORY.
The Sponsorship Scammer
This one is a true doozy and in the Phils at least, it is not only widespread but encouraged amongst unscrupulous women and ladyboys. The scam works like this: a girl will approach men, through dating sites, Facebook or whatever, and begin to chat. After a while and we are all lovey-dovey, she springs this version of the Ladyboy Trap (although ggs do it too.) She will say it’s her birthday/her mother’s birthday/she has a bill to pay/whatever. (It might even be true.) She will ask for a moderate sum, maybe 20 or 30 dollars. If she thinks you’re really on the hook it might be a bit more, but it won’t be enough to set your alarm bells off.
So you log into Western Union or your preferred money transfer site and fire over the cash. She’s delighted, so sweet, so thankful. She might even send you a picture of whatever she bought. Or says she bought. All hunky dory and of course, you are encouraged to send again, because it was very little money and she made you feel really good. Right?
WRONG. What you don’t know is that she has another five, ten, twenty, maybe even thirty guys she’s playing the exact same game with. Just 20-40 bucks a week, but if you have 20 guys on the hook, that’s a good salary — for sitting all day texting men. Nice work if you can get it, and tax-free to boot — which was why a circle of such scammers got busted in Cebu a few years ago for not filing tax returns.
These girls are damn clever and you will likely be totally unaware of what they’re up to. But it will still cost you plenty over the piece.
Be very wary if a girl shows the slightest reluctance to meet you in person. Sponsorship scammers might have 30 or more men they are regularly milking. If they disappear to spend a month fucking you, the rest will be gone. She can manage two or three days, saying she has to go home to see her family or some other such shit, but not three weeks or a month.
As an aside, there is a legitimate version of sponsorship. In this the girl might be an aspiring model or beauty queen or something similar. Perhaps she’s a student. She needs help with her costumes, hormones, course fees and so on. (And these do cost.) So she will acquire men to support her financially. They’ll get pictures and praise and compliments on Facebook. They might never meet the girl — indeed it is unlikely — because this is a straight business arrangement and these girls are not prostitutes. Well, not in the literal sense.
Apparently there are men who enjoy this; I am not sure what their reward might be. But it’s not actually a scam.
The Kiss Test.
Remember Pretty Woman? Did you ever wonder why many prostitutes refuse to kiss on the mouth? It’s only partly because of your halitosis. Many girls can’t hide their feelings in a kiss, so it’s a dead giveaway. A kiss should be soft, a little moist, yielding, full of warmth and lingering. She should be breathing a little heavily and be dewy-eyed after it, and it should make you want to do it again immediately.
If her kiss is like kissing your not favourite aunt, or worse, it bounces — you will know what I mean — then get ready to walk. This girl does NOT love you and the chances are that you are being set up.
Not every Ladyboy Trap is financial, however; there are others in the minefield of transsexual dating.
The Psycho Hose-Beast
By far the most common — and the most potentially dangerous — is the psycho hose-beast.
The most prevalent expression of psychosis amongst Asian women in general and ladyboys in particular, is jealousy. Now I’m not talking about her punching your arm cause she catches you scoping some other hot chick. I mean, you’re a guy, you do that. I do that. All normal men do that. It’s genetic, we are predisposed by evolution to constantly be seeking new sexual targets.
Your delight knows this too, and she’s just marking her territory when she puts another bruise on your arm. Like a cat pissing. That’s not really a problem. We’re talking about the one who boils your bunnies because she has been imagining you might have scoped some other hot babe. Maybe.
The serious psycho is actually a risk to your health. I have been threatened with a knife, seen furniture smashed, my stuff trashed, you name it. I know people who have been stabbed and threatened with death. This is all because she ‘loves you’.
It has nothing to do with love, it’s about jealousy and possessiveness. You become an object that she must control.
Unfortunately, Asian culture seems to regard jealousy as a virtue, when in fact it is a corrosive disease that wrecks relationships.
Now any girl would be annoyed if she caught her boyfriend balls deep in some other bitch or with his tongue halfway down her throat. That is understandable. But to automatically assume that any contact with another woman is by definition a precursor to cheating, is paranoia at best.
So how do you find out if your dulce amore is a closet psycho hose-beast?
Online this is going to be difficult, but by the same token, she won’t be able to actually stab you in the head. However, she can, and will, trash your reputation on line. You can protect yourself to some extent by being sensible.
Everybody uses Facebook but you need to be careful. Firstly, reset your privacy so that only you can see who’s in your friends list (duuuuuh). You do this by going to your profile page, then ‘Friends’ and clicking the gear icon.
Then, unless you have a reason to be public, make your profile private. This helps a bit but unfortunately, lovely Facebook will send your squeeze friend suggestions of all the totty you have surreptitiously added. (Nice one, Facebook.)
Consider using Instagram or one of the other social media like Snapchat. Facebook is hazardous.
If you do remain on the big blue sea of incompetence and puke-making political correctness known as Facebook, be aware that a really devious bitch will create fake accounts to get into your friends list and see what you’re doing, even after you have banished her Number One account to the outer darkness. A pro stalker will use fake pictures, but not of anyone really famous — only amateur hose-beasts do that. Always verify friend requests and refuse if they appear at all suspicious.
A hose-beast in your friends list will send messages to all the other girls there she can find and ESPECIALLY to the hot new babe you dumped her for, stirring up all kinds of shit, oh dearie dearie me. It’ll be bunny casserole for dinner.
If the putative love of your life is not a native English speaker, she may have distinctive errors that she habitually makes. They probably amuse you, but make private note of them. If, after she has let her inner hose-beast out and you have canned her, you find someone sucking up to you making the same mistakes, and with a profile that seems to have no history, trash the fucker’s ass right ricky-tick.
Same goes if she makes any mention of something that happened that only she and you know about. Do a Sherlock. Be smart. The fact is that even if she can’t cut your cock off in the middle of the night (and this actually does happen) she can ruin your reputation on social media and all those juicy little chickadees you were imagining a romp in bed with will scarper, pronto.
Warning signs: demands for your social media user names and passwords. Unless you really want to have your life given an enema with a toilet brush, do not even think of agreeing to this. In fact, I would regard the request for this information as reason to terminate. It’s gonna happen anyway.
It goes without saying that it is sheer insanity not to have your computers and devices password protected. And don’t use those stupid gesture locks. In fact if your device supports it, use fingerprint protection or face recognition. You can bet your ass that a jealous one will be spying over your shoulder working out your passwords.
If all this sounds mistrusting, then it should. You don’t know what a person is really like till you’ve lived with them for a substantial period, at least six months.
The Moody Ladyboy Trap
This is very common. Most ladyboys and other transsexuals will be taking hormones. If you have experience of a natural woman, think what she’s like with pre-menstrual tension. A monster, right? Well with a ladyboy that happens a lot more often and especially if she is on a strong feminising, rather than maintenance, dosage. If she is using injectable oestrogen or combination oestrogen/progesterone, then her schedule will be one shot every five days. If she’s a closet hose-beast, then one of those days, usually the middle of the cycle, will see her in full psycho mode.
Don’t believe all that shit you read on the interwebz about one advantage of ladyboys being no pre-menstrual mood swings; instead of eight consecutive days of hell, you’ll get one every five days.
If your heart’s delight is already a Number One Moody Bitch, then trust me, you ain’t seen nothing yet. And ladyboys — again in total defiance of logic, but hey — seem to extol being a moody cunt, as if it were somehow an attractive feature.
WELL IT’S NOT!
But at least she’ll still want to fuck, if she hasn’t lopped your pecker off or battered you to death with a frying pan. And let’s be honest, you’re a guy, you’re going to want it served hot and with dessert too. Mood or no mood.
By the way, the common rumour that girls on heavy hormones lose sex drive and erectile ability seems at best to be only partially true. I’ve known girls on such doses, injected oestrogen plus progynon every five days and a serious T-blocker, and no issues in that department at all, though semen production reduces. Personally I think it’s psychological; or maybe her sex drive is low because she doesn’t like you as much as she claims.
I’m serious here.
Now this is all tongue in cheek but the fact is that life is cheap in Asia. I have heard of people being shot for ten dollars in the Philippines. OK they were not foreigners but still. That excellent chap, ladyboy lover and gentleman David Bonnie suggests keeping your passport and enough money to get the fuck out of the country quick, should things get nasty, in some secret, secure but accessible place. It sounds like a Very Good Idea. Your life is worth more than your stuff.
This version of the Ladyboy Trap is common, and indeed, even more so amongst genetic girls. The premise is simple: she has you, the white guy who either lives there, in which case you will be living together, or who visits there, in which case you’ll probably be supporting her anyway. And in addition, she has a local guy whom she really likes fucking.
Now this is actually a hard scam for a ladyboy to pull off, especially in the Phils, but it is absolutely commonplace amongst ggs there. What you have to realise is that although many Asian women really are attracted to Western guys, almost all have a sweet spot for cute Asian men. And those cute little Asian men will fuck ANYTHING. Even better if they’re getting one over a poncy rich foreigner by doing it. So your paramour will fuck the Asian and take your money and, even worse, give him your money. There are many men living high on the hog, supported by donations from stupid foreigners, via their very smart and totally amoral girlfriends. And getting fucked right royally too. Don’t let this happen to you.
The relentless Top
Sigh. Now I know some men like this shit. Being fucked I mean. When I discovered their existence I was shocked. I mean like WTF?? Seriously, I was attracted to TS but …whoa. This was weird. Anyway, let’s not go there.
So let’s assume you’re a normal guy who is not a closet gay or autogynephile (cross-dresser), which means you like porking that back-door poontang really just so much. (And a well-lubed tranny back passage is as close to heaven as any man is going to get.) Of course, you’re not gay, so the idea of being in bed with a bloke called Dave … eeeeeewwwwww. We ain’t going there either.
You like ladyboys, cause they look, act and feel like girls, but, you know, they have that lil joystick and oh man that special poontang…
So you’re looking for what is called in the trade a ‘bottom’ (which is kinda funny, you being a regular arse-bandit.)
Suppose you see a girl on Facebook, PinaLove, Thai Friendly or whatever, you meet, seems good, back to the loom, keks are off, she starts putting a condom on. On her, not you.
Now you’re in trouble. These kooks are not really TS. Nobody the fuck knows what they are. Real TS ladyboys only do that in the movies. In life they will flat refuse, because girls don’t fuck guys. I mean, it’s basic.
If you’re the kind of man for whom being anally nailed is a pleasure, then don’t read on; for the normal males out there, then beware. There is very little I can think of that is less pleasant than a ladyboy trying to ram her cock in your arse; multiple tooth extractions would be preferable. Without anaesthetic. It’s not so bad with the little ones because at least you can subdue them physically; but unless you’re able to tie her up for the night, forget sleeping.
If she’s a big ladyboy, you’re really in trouble. Frequently, these individuals are on a very low dose of hormones, so they’re basically as strong as men. Something might get into you that is bigger than you can handle.
Nobody wants to actually have to physically overpower a bedmate, especially as you might damage her, which could lead to real trouble. So it’s vital that you discuss what is going to happen in the bedroom with your horny young lovely well before you get there. This applies just as much to paid-for as romantic get-togethers.
The problem is that in addition to the aforementioned bottoms, whose bottoms are our target, there are also ‘tops’ and ‘versatiles’. To be fair, many versatiles are not really, they just say they are because they think Western men like to be fucked — and for this we can blame the dirty dogs that frequent Walking Street and Nana Plaza. Nevertheless, you just can’t be sure that a versa, as they call themselves, will not take it into her head to try to poke you one when you’re too drunk to stop her.
My advice is, avoid all ‘tops’ and ‘versas’. You should establish very early on in the relationship, that is, before you spend more than a couple of drinks on her, what her preferences are. If you’re chatting on a dating site or Facebook, just ask. A lot of girls make it clear up front what their interests are anyway.
Only a real idiot takes a stranger back to the room while too drunk to resist such an attack…but we’ve all done that. Just DO NOT imagine that, if you get into bed with a randy ‘top’, you will get out of it without a fight or a sore bum.
The majority of girls are nice sweet bottoms anyway, you don’t need to mix with the others.
Anyway, congratulations for getting this far. And if you just skipped to the end, here’s the summary: you fuck bar girls, you don’t fall in love with them; never send money unless you are in a serious relationship and have spent several months living together; if you have to break up with her, don’t do it in your apartment; ensure that weapons are kept out of reach (helps if she’s short) for the first few months anyway; tell her to go home if she’s being a moody bitch; DO NOT get emotionally attached until you have checked her out properly; and only date bottoms. You know it makes sense.
And don’t worry, there are plenty of complete darlings out there; far more than there are decent men to partner them, if what I’m told is true.