That Must Really Really Sting

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Originally posted 2013-10-19 23:47:37.

A random and I must admit mischievous Google search—the masculine gay male is a fraud—really turned into an eye-opener for me.  I was just amazed how many men seem to have bought into this crap.

Masculine behaviour is no guide to sexual orientation, and never has been.  I spent nearly two decades as a very high level sports photographer, and if it taught me anything it was that sports—in particular contact field sports—while often considered the epitome of masculinity, are about the most strident expression of male homo-eroticism that exists in our culture. I have long since lost count of the number of times I have seen men cuddling, kissing, gazing into each other’s eyes, feeling each other up, rolling around on the ground, you fucking name it—all on a soccer pitch. And rugby? It’s worse. And that’s what goes on in public—let’s not mention what happens inside the dressing-rooms.

And we know the truth about those fetid forcing-grounds of privileged masculinity, the boarding-schools where buggery is an unstated part of the curriculum, don’t we? (If not, watch the movie If…) I remember one product of that system actually telling me that he and all his friends had been rogered by older boys, and did roger younger ones, silly, all the way through school, ‘But it didn’t make us gay’.  Maybe — on the basis of ‘it’s only gay if you enjoy it’. But anyway, the fact is that the divide between these temples of ‘masculinity’ and pillow-munching homosexuality is thinner than the walls in a French hotel.


These days I spend a much time travelling. I really love southeast Asia and have a lot of friends there now. Quite a few of those friends are gay, but they’re not gay like these ‘masculine’ Western gays. They’re girls really, who just look like guys. A fair few even used to be girls, but age got them and hey retired. They sure don’t act like guys. So it’s fine; I’m not attracted to them, and if they’re attracted to me, which clearly some are, then that’s fine too. Flattering. But essentially I relate to them as non-sexual-target women. Sort of like your wife’s sister except with a beard. Or maybe your wife’s sister does have a beard…sorry, if she does. But you get the drift.

So the result of my Google search was enlightening. The Interwebz is, apparently, full of gay men who are so obsessed with acting masculine that they actually condemn the girly gay guys, like they were letting the side down. In fact, they are so vocal you can hardly find any of the girlyboys sticking up for themselves. But maybe that’s because they can’t get their computer thingy to work/are too busy on FaceBook/their nails need doing. Or some other perfectly normal girly stuff—like not pretending to be a fucking welder, or for that matter, a guy.

These manly-man gay guys want to be girls in bed but act all masculine and macho outside. So they learn the tricks that they need to perform to appear to be masculine men.

Gender is innate, remember?

The trouble is, straight men don’t learn these tricks. We just know them; fuck it, we invented them.  For us, masculine behaviour is not learned but natural. It flows from our sense of self as men, from our gender. Sure, it is conditioned by the society we develop in, but we straight stiffs created the mores which govern that society, or at least our forebears did. But we do not study other men’s behaviour specifically to learn it—which, according to their websites, is exactly what these ‘masculine gay’ men do.

You do have to remember, from time to time, that this ‘masculine gay’ thing is under a hundred years old. Sure the Greeks buggered boys, but there was no question who was the guy and who was the girl in their relationships. A boy was a girl till she could grow a full beard, then she turned into a guy who got a boy of his own to bugger. In fact, till less than sixty years ago, the idea of ‘masculine homosexual man’ was a simple oxymoron. So masculine gays have had to invent for themselves a whole construct of social interaction in very short order.

But why do they do it? Are there really masculine, manly, straight men who are sexually attracted to other manly, masculine straight men? Or, as seems far more likely, is there a deal of economy with the truth going on here?


The can call themselves what they like—gaybros, whatever—it doesn’t matter. As one correspondent of mine, herself once a gay male, who transitioned into a woman when she finally realised the sheer stupidity of the lie she was living and is much happier for it, said, ‘Gay men are women pretending to be men in order to have sex with other women pretending to be men.’

Furthermore, all of these gay men actually want a straight man; ask them, it’s true. To be blunt, they want to be anally penetrated by one. They’re really just another variant on a familiar theme, the male cock-hound, but they are desperate—and will do anything—to appear to be masculine men.

That’s why they look down their noses at effeminate gays. And, heaven forfend, transwomen must seem utterly pointless to them. I mean, why take a potentially serviceable male body that could fuck them in the arse and turn it into something that couldn’t and they wouldn’t ever want to anyway? Makes no sense, does it? As ever, everything is reduced to the lowest common denominator—the arse full of cock. At least the femboys are refreshingly honest—it’s clear what they want, they make no secret of it.

Masculine gay Lotharios

But it’s worse even than that, because our ‘masculine gay’ Lotharios are terrified that if they’re associated with effeminate gay men, then they might lose all the non-existent ‘male privilege’ they’ve worked so hard for—and it must indeed have been such hard work for the poor dears. So these gay men are, often, themselves homophobic and frequently transphobic too. They only support other gay men who look and act like ‘real’ men.

The funny thing is, for all their bombast and high ideals of masculinity, they have been emasculated and integrated, to be tolerated as long as they conform to the rules they themselves locked themselves into, and the one rule they must never, ever, break, is that men must always appear to behave like men.

One flamboyant little ladyboy in her high-heels and make-up,  is far more disruptive, politically effective and challenging than legions of these lapdogs.

And that must really, really, sting.

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