Humour, Rod Fleming's World, Page 3

28/10/2023

RIP My Lovely

Originally posted 2014-01-08 18:13:22.

Sniff! She died. She’s been with me these last five years, and she’d been around a good few years before we met. She was like a female character out of a Springsteen lyric, kinda worn and raggedy, but she stuck with me through thick and thin. I don’t know how many films or repeats of TV series I’ve watched with her, or how many words I wrote with her, but I do know the paint was gone from most of her keys at the end…I did explain it was my old laptop that died, didn’t I?

[paypal-donation]

Continue reading “RIP My Lovely”

28/10/2023

Man-Trap!

Originally posted 2013-12-30 21:09:44.

Ever seen a real man-trap?

My neighbour was given this with a load of other bits and bobs. She thought it was a toy, but closer examination made me disagree. For a start, it was quite clearly a gun of some order, but it didn’t have any kind of handle. There wasn’t a conventional trigger either.

It might have been a toy cannon, but it didn’t have a carriage. Yet opening it up revealed that it was chambered to take a real twelve-bore shotgun cartridge. Plus it’s made of very heavy cast iron. It’s just not like a child’s toy at all.

[paypal-donation]

Continue reading “Man-Trap!”

28/10/2023

Fuck This

Originally posted 2013-10-23 02:12:25.

Been that sort of a week so far.

28/10/2023

Pork, Secularism, and Anarchy

Originally posted 2013-07-12 16:34:09.

Pork. It’s such a mainstay of French cuisine, that it’s frankly impossible to conceive of French food culture without it.

Every thing from saucisson to saucisses, fried, grilled, cured, dried, you name it, the French have a way of eating pork like that.

anti-halal-pro-pork-poster — The growing French anti-halal movement has seized on a blatant attempt to destroy French culture

It goes back to the time of the Gauls, you know, Asterix and his lads, roasting wild boar on spits.

Continue reading “Pork, Secularism, and Anarchy”

28/10/2023

Summer at Last

Originally posted 2013-07-26 17:19:10.

summer-rainstorm001 — Torrential rainstorms are a feature of life in France Pic: Rod Fleming

Well, summer did finally arrive here in P’tit Moulin and the warm balmy days are back. I must say they are very welcome, and could have been here sooner. The girls are all out in their skimpiest dresses, to show off their golden-tanned skin and the boys…well, who cares about the boys anyway?

Of course, here in central France the climate is interesting, to say the least. Continue reading “Summer at Last”

28/10/2023

Bastille Day!

Originally posted 2013-07-17 22:54:14.

parade-photo — The parade Pic: Rod Fleming

This Bastille Day was celebrated with the usual style in our village. I have photographs of this going back twenty years now, and it’s amazing to see how people have aged. Children who used to run around the square or sit on the banc outside our house have children of their own now. It’s always the same band, who come from the next town. And it’s always the same tunes… Continue reading “Bastille Day!”

28/10/2023

Flics: Traffic cops in France

Originally posted 2013-07-17 22:13:41.

flics-hiding-places photo — A perfect road to speed on–and for flics to hide on. Pic: Rod Fleming

Les Flics: just as you can’t write about life in France without discussing wine, you can’t write about it without discussing that greatest of scourges, the bugbear and bane of everyone’s lives and a daily topic of conversation all over France, third only to the weather and politics. And what are les flics? The cops, of course.

Mostly, when the French talk about les flics, they are talking specifically about traffic cops, who are universally regarded with almost unlimited contempt and no respect at all. However, when the occasion merits, they expand the concept to include any other kind of cop who’s been getting in the way of the French being French. Continue reading “Flics: Traffic cops in France”

28/10/2023

Napoleon was a Big Guy Really

Originally posted 2013-07-10 16:26:52.

Napoleon was actually a tall guy. Did you know that? It’s true. The legend that the great conqueror of Europe was severely vertically challenged is just that—a legend. Maybe not quite an urban myth—I don’t think they had those back then—but nevertheless, a myth.

It illustrates, however, the mismatch between the French and Anglo-Saxon worlds. Continue reading “Napoleon was a Big Guy Really”

28/10/2023

Gendarmes, Police and Faulty Speedos

Originally posted 2013-07-08 20:55:47.

gendarme photo — The kind of road the Gendarmes like to catch speeders on. Pic: Rod Fleming

My friend Antoine the potter had a little incident with the Gendarmes from Bligny not long ago. Now before I begin this tale, I feel I should put to rest a belief that has become, apparently (according to my children,) current in the UK in the last few years.

This is that the Gendarmes in France are not real police. Well, they are, and this is a classic bit of Anglo-Saxon, er, confusion. I believe it has even been aired on that odious arch-slimeball Stephen Fry’s television show; not that that would make it any more the truth.

So let me explain. Continue reading “Gendarmes, Police and Faulty Speedos”

28/10/2023

Slugs and Snails and Tomato Plants?

Originally posted 2013-07-01 00:40:18.

tomato photo — My surviving tomato plant

Tomato Plants on the agenda again

Tomato plants? Well, spring in France this year was the worst I can remember, and so far summer has not been much better. By this time I should be on first-name terms with the community of lizards that live in my courtyard, but this year, hardly a hello. They’re all still hiding.

Mind you, it’s not been so bad for all the critters in the yard. My pet hate, les limaces, our delightful Burgundian slugs, are positively thriving. I mean, these ones are not shy, they don’t even try to hide, and they’re bright orange anyway. Maybe it’s a warning that they taste disgusting. I’ll let someone else find out. What I do know is they like my tomato plants. Continue reading “Slugs and Snails and Tomato Plants?”