Sex and HSTS: by Guest Author Amanda Grimes

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Originally posted 2017-09-06 20:20:29.

I am an MtF Homosexual Transsexual (HSTS), who, having socially transitioned just after my 23rd birthday, some 30 years ago, underwent Sex Reassignment Surgery at age 25; this is how I see the issue. I will attempt to be as candid as possible about what is honestly a deeply personal and private part of my life.

I am doing so because there are a great deal of myths and misunderstandings surrounding the topic of sex with transsexuals and what they do or do not enjoy and or what they do or will not do during sex and about the men who have sex with them. This article is written from my own perspective based upon my own experiences and in addition recounting what I have been told by other HSTS whom I have known personally.


It is written from my perspective as a Western European and may not be representative of people’s experience of transsexuals in South East Asia. Many of the commonly available accounts of sex with transsexuals and Ladyboys there are based upon men’s experiences with sex workers and the extent of these women’s willingness to engage in certain sexual practices is in my opinion questionable, when the motives for doing so are financial. I have known a few natal female prostitutes in my life and the things they will do with clients are not reflective of their own natural proclivities. I don’t see why transsexual prostitutes should differ. Sex born from desire is usually not the same as that performed for monetary reward.

I should state I am no expert or sex guru and I have not had vast numbers of sexual partners. From the point of where I transitioned up to my SRS I had 4 relationships with men, ranging from a few days or weeks to 3 months in duration.  Post operatively I have had 3 relationships including my husband with whom I have been with for 26 years at the time of writing, so I am no Dorothy Easton (Author of the Ethical Slut) by any means.

Pre-Operative Sex

As a HSTS in the West dating can be a dangerous pastime especially 30 years ago when there was no internet, where detailed personal profiles might prepare a potential partner for the fact that you are transsexual. That had to be done face to face and handled delicately. For a while I actively avoided sexual advances from men even buying a fake engagement ring to discourage any advances, but ultimately we are all sexual creatures and I accepted the fact that I too desired intimacy. As a HSTS my natural attraction is to straight men and my main sexual desire was and is to be penetrated by them.

The question I see circulate most often is “how can a straight man have sex with a girl with a penis and still be straight?” Of the 4 relationships I had pre-op, 3 of them ended because the men involved could not reconcile their attraction to me with their sense of their own sexuality. They still had sex with me but couldn’t wrap their head around it. That’s understandable I suppose but speaks more to the insecurities of the men involved than to the sexual act itself. Homosexuality in males is about attraction to men not women. What these men were attracted to was femininity and that which they perceived to be female.  The act of anal sex is not of itself a homosexual act, as it can be practised with both sexes not just between biological males.

My penis

I personally did not have a close relationship with my penis, I had to look after it because ultimately I needed it, but it was “other” in my mind, not really part of me. While I would stimulate it myself during masturbation or sex, it was strictly out of bounds to my sexual partners. I have met other HSTS who have confirmed they too would masturbate their penis themselves during sex but again they would not allow their partner to touch it.  To me it was surplus to requirements and while I did not have particular sexual problem with it, just a sense of detachment, the thought of my male partner wanting to engage with it filled me with abject horror.  In fact in the other relationship I had pre-op I terminated because the man in question told me he was bisexual and wanted to involve my penis in our sex life.   Ultimately I was relieved to be rid of it (and him as it happens!) as it was an encumbrance both on my daily personal life and my sex life.

Orgasm Pre SRS

It is of course possible to orgasm during anal penetration by stimulation of the prostate gland, though this is not particularly easy to attain and most HSTS girls I knew, including myself would stimulate their penis themselves during sex in order to climax.  The sensation was not that much different from that of an orgasm from solo masturbation. Any man who has been for a prostate exam will know it is not always a pleasant experience and when we are talking about anal sex the size of the man’s penis is a factor much more so than a latex clad finger. It’s not that easy to reach orgasm if the sexual experience is a painful one.


The nature and experience of sexual arousal changes with the application of hormones at least in MtF transsexuals. Prior to taking oestrogen all sensation of sexual arousal was focused exclusively in the penis, but after a short time on HRT this sensation shifted distinctly into to the lower abdomen. The sensation is difficult to describe but if you imagine the worst case of “butterflies” in your stomach and times it by a factor of 10. This continues to be the case post op and it is clearly what motivates the physical desire to be penetrated there and it can be so profound that it can feel almost like a dull ache at times.

Post-Operative Sex

Much of the functionality of the neo vagina is down to the skill of the surgeon involved. 28 years ago there were not that many surgeons practising in the trans medical arena in Europe but I was extremely fortunate enough to be able to afford the best.

The Importance of the Operation

Many trans girls worry far too much about the aesthetics of their new vagina while ignoring the importance of the procedure itself, and so will seek out surgeons who they think can give them the best natural looking vagina. This however has to be balanced with achieving functionality. Obviously you don’t want it to look like the dogs dinner! It has to appear like a natural vagina but keeping it as sensate and functional as possible requires very patient and skilful micro surgery. Like all things you get what you pay for.  I have heard accounts of surgeons in Thailand and the Philippines carrying out 3 and up to 4 operations per day. At that pace while the cosmetic effect may be okay and the clitoris is usually sensate, it is hit and miss from a full functionality position. As a reference my own surgery took just under 7 hours. Now that is a long time to be under general anaesthetic but the surgery is about much more than cosmetics.

There are two considerations the surgeon must have if the patient is to be fully orgasmic post operatively. That is to ensure sufficient blood supply to the refashioned glans of the penis which forms the new clitoris and, if the patient is to be able orgasm vaginally to keep the dorsal nerve cluster and as much of its blood flow in tact as possible. It is also important to align and attach the base of the new vagina directly next to the prostate gland so that as it heals it bonds to it. If it is done correctly the dorsal nerve cluster ends up on the upper anterior wall of the vagina in the exact same position as the female G spot. This takes time and skill, rush it and all you end up with is an insensate tube of flesh. The combined effect of stimulating the new G spot and the prostate which is bonded with the new vaginal wall can produce the most intense of orgasms.

Arousal Post-Op

The feelings of arousal are the same as those pre op when on HRT, but the sensation of release when penetrated if one is sufficiently aroused can quite literal take your breath away, if the surgeon has done his job properly.

Orgasm Post SRS

If the surgeon has kept the sensitivity and alignment of the lower vaginal wall perfectly, it is possible to orgasm both vaginally or by stimulating clitoris. From my own experience reaching climax with the clitoris can be hard work (finger cramp!) and the resulting sensations are more or less exactly the same as a male orgasm. You are after all just stimulating what used to be the tip of the penis.

Vaginal orgasms are, for me at least, much more intense (this is the reverse of what most natal females report, but they don’t have prostate glands). These orgasms can be very powerful, last considerably longer than clitoral orgasm and take a long time to taper off.  Also they are not centred just in the genitalia but cause intense muscle spasms in the back, neck and shoulders. It is absolutely possible to be left a shaking, sobbing wreck afterwards. If one were to draw the sensation as a line graph it would be a long sharp rise and a long plateau and then a slow taper downwards with other short plateaus on the way down.

The Men Who Have Sex with Transsexuals

There are those men who deliberately seek out transsexuals in order to have sex with them for their penises, either seeking to fellate them or be penetrated by them. In my opinion these men are homosexual themselves or at a very minimum bisexual. Men who want dick are gay, it really is that simple.

Men who are attracted to what seems to be a beautiful woman, but who discover later that she is transsexual (pre or post op) and can put that aside in order to have a relationship with her while not engaging with her penis are in my view heterosexual. As are men who seek out transsexuals whom they know to be so but don’t engage with their partner’s penis. Even if when it comes down to dictionary definitions the sexual act itself would be considered a homosexual act, their attraction is not homosexual. Men who penetrate women, even transwomen, are not gay.

I once had this same discussion with a radical feminist who insisted that men who have sex with transsexuals are just gay and in denial. After I told her I was HSTS and she was somewhat embarrassed she nevertheless maintained her opinion. I answered her as follows;

“Even naked, without clothes or make up I look, sound, smell, feel and behave like a female. If my husband was gay he would be THE most disappointed gay man in the world! Unless, you think that while we having sex he is secretly fantasising about the abstract notion of that non-autosomic base pair buried somewhere on my genome.”

Seriously could you imagine the pillow talk? “Oh yeah baby tell me again how it’s shaped like a Y, you know how that gets me off baby”!  Almost as ridiculous as the concept of radical feminism itself.


3 Replies to “Sex and HSTS: by Guest Author Amanda Grimes”

  1. I’ve yet to experience that feeling of dislike per se of my genitals. I guess I could say I feel ambivalent about them. I don’t like it getting sucked or penetrating with it at all, but don’t mind it being played with by my partners hand. Most the time I just kind of ignore its there which is easy because its very small. i don’t think its every really caused me mental unease because i think of my ass ass as my main sex organ as do they men i’m with. the only part i guess i really feel dysphoric about here is obviously my genitals cannot give birth, and grs can do nothing about that. the only other reason ive considered it is my state doesnt allow m to f change on birth certificates unless you have had srs.

  2. For me playing with my breasts has all but replaced masturbating with my penis. I started hormones young (16) and I have well developed- and very sensitive breasts. What the author speaks about is definitely true, arousal and orgasm isn’t confined to my penis, it is much more of a whole body experience. When I orgasm form stimulating my breasts it is much more intense than it is with my penis, I get muscle spasms and I moan uncontrollably. It also isn’t a singular event, it comes in waves each more intense than the one before. It then hits a peak and slowly peters out and you are left quivering for a little while. If it was a particularly strong one, it is not uncommon for me to have muscle cramps the next day.

    I also agree with what michellem about my penis. I don’t hate it or anything, I’m just not that crazy about either. I definitely don’t like it if a man wants to play with it, but that is about it. Again I agree with what michellem said, the only thing I hate about my penis is that it means I cant have babies.

    I do intend to have srs though, I feel it would make intimacy with men much easier. It is also healthier in the long run to at least remove the testes so that you can be put on lower doses of hormones.

  3. michellem my decision to have SRS wasn’t really motivated by the desire to have sex, that was just an amazing bonus. It was more about being able to have more of an inclusive life. I was living stealth and all my friends were natal females. For the first couple of years I made excuses not to go on girls vacations with them because I couldn’t share hotel rooms with them, wear bikini’s with confidence, etc. it really made life easier for a girl in her 20’s, plus the dysphoria was no longer present.

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